The Do's and Don't's For a Safe and Happy Halloween

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Each year at this time, I write a little note to all those lovely kids out trick-or-treating about how to enjoy the holiday while still having common decency. As Halloween creeps upon us once again, it is important to remember certain things when we go out into our neighborhoods to trick-or-treat. We want to fully enjoy the holiday, but at the same time, we should maintain a level of respect and kindness toward others. Here now, is a list of Halloween Do's and Don'ts for your reading pleasure.



1) DO Have an Actual Halloween Costume!

How many times do we have to put up with these lazy adolescents with their attitude of entitlement. I'm sorry, but a one-dollar mask and a hoodie is just lame. Put some effort into your costume. I don't care if you're 25 years old, if you have a decent costume, I'm giving you candy. But show up at my door in a little white makeup and your "normal" clothes, claiming to be a zombie, and you get the crap candy (maybe even some raisins!).



2) DON'T Ring the Bell if the Porch Light is Off!

I guess I thought that EVERYONE knew this. It's a time-honored code: porch light is on, it's ok to go ask for candy; porch light is off, head to the next house. Why people feel the need to ring the bell after 9 PM, when the light is clearly off, is beyond me. Anyway, I just don't answer the door.



3) DO Say "Trick-or-Treat"!

When the door opens, don't just stand there with a stupid expression on your face, holding out your bag, and expect that candy will just magically appear. There's a method to this whole thing. YOU need to say, "trick-or-treat" first. That's how it works.

(Note to children who cannot speak yet: get your parent/guardian to say it for you)



4) DO Be Gracious!

OK, so not everyone loves home-made Rice Krispie Treats in the shape of a ghost (and really, who still gives HOME-MADE treats out? Are you LOOKING for a lawsuit?). You may be given some candy that you don't particularly care for. Just take it and be gracious. There's no place at Halloween for wrinkling your nose or saying. "ewww, gross" when someone has just GIVEN YOU SOMETHING FOR FREE! Be a little grateful!



5) DON'T Grab More Than Your Share!

Sometimes, rather than handing out a piece of candy to each trick-or-treater, a host will present a big bowl of candy for the little ones to take from (I NEVER do this!). If you are presented with the whole bowl, don't be a pig! Sure, take two pieces, maybe even three (especially if they're those irritating "fun size" candy bars), but don't scoop a whole bag-full into your treat bag! That's just rude! The same applies to those anti-social hosts who can't be bothered to actually answer their door, but rather just leave the basket on the porch (OK, to be fair, they may be out with their own kids). Take a fair amount and leave some for those coming after you.



5) DO Say "Thank You"!

Apparently, some of today's parents have stopped teaching their kids that the proper response when someone gives you something is to say, "Thank you." I'm not sure who these mouth-breathers are, but they need to go back to parenting school. Our society as a whole has become infected with little entitled creeps who think that the world exists just for them. Well guess what Johnny, it doesn't. When you receive a gift, you thank the person who gave it to you. It's pretty simple.



6) (Optional) DO Say "Happy Halloween"!

This isn't a must, but I have to say that I feel good when little kids wish me a Happy Halloween. It shows a certain enjoyment of the holiday and a sense of well-wishing toward others. Say it if you think of it - it's just nice.



I know it may seem that I'm being a bit curmudgeonly about this whole thing, but honestly, where have people's manners gone? If you come to my house, please be on your best behavior - I save the best candy for THOSE kids!



Happy Halloween!



EP

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